We are all the same - 7 Truths

I thought I would share more from Part 3 of my book - Claim Your Life.

I first started to consider writing as, in some sessions, clients would write down things I said. It seemed that me putting the "right" words (the accurate words) to an experience or an idea was valuable, they wanted to remember them and to be able to turn to them again and again. It got me thinking, I wonder if more people would find my perspective useful, would it help them to have my words if they were in a difficult time?

I know we are all unique multi-faceted individuals - our histories, families, genetics, health, identity, sexuality, likes, passions, needs, culture. What makes us feel yuck. What makes us go, yum! And yet, over the years, I have seen that we are all so similar. All of us need the same things to be well in ourselves and to live satisfying lives.

Writing the book made me reflect on what I was seeing and I began to group what I knew into themes. Over time, these emerged as 7 areas - 7 areas of live that are truly needed for each of us. So I have called them Truths, because I believe they are. How much we need of each, how often we turn to them, how we go about them might look different for people. But I don't believe there's one person out there, who doesn't need all 7.

Claiming your life is about conscious choices.

It's knowing you want emotional wellbeing and a fulfilling life and not letting that be decided by chance. It's about being empowered. Using your personal power with intention.

I hope there is something here for you. Even if it is a reminder to make your mental health a priority and to choose it each day.

7 Truths for Living Well

Here they are:

1. Community and connection

2. Rest, regulation and stillness

3. Be the caretaker of your body

4. Connect to nature

5. Seek purpose

6. Lightness and play

7. Safe, secure and self-soothed

I'll keep it simple and just say a little bit about each one.

As you read, I invite you to notice how you feel...

Is there one that you feel resistant to? "I don't need that"

Do you feel any emotion, seeing any that you know you struggle to give yourself? "I don't deserve that."

Perhaps you already know which one is calling to you but you are not sure you understand how to go about it. "I don't know how."

It's ok to start with what feels more accessible, maybe building on what you already do.

But get curious, if you feel blocked about a particular one. That might be the one you need the most.

Some of these might feel hard to find - try not to feel discouraged. Could you acknowledge this, if it comes up for you, and offer an intention, "I will be open to finding and receiving more XXINSERT TRUTHXX I know I need it and will seek it in my life."

Truth 1: Community and connection

This is about emotionally safe relationships - having a few close people where you can unmask; truly be authentic, even on your worst days and with your least appealing parts. Conversations that are without judgement, perhaps free of advice but full of attentive compassion and offering acceptance. A core person or people who you feel witnessed and safe with.

It's also about community and belonging, which might be different from friends or family. Think more of the qualities of community vs. having a specific group. This is about people who you have common ground with (it might be an interest, hobby, identity, experience, passion or values). It is where you are known and supported, where experiences are shared, where there is collaboration.

Truth 2: Rest, regulation and stillness

It's common for people to come to learn these skills in therapy but it's not necessary to come to therapy to learn them. It often takes something going wrong (burnout, anxiety, panic, depression) for someone to make a change to how they live. Wouldn't it be great to live with more of this so we don't hit crisis?

Consider if you know what helps you to release tension and come to calm. Do you ever use movements (shaking, sweeping, dancing, bouncing) or breathing techniques (belly breathing, box breathing, counted exhales)? What helps you uniquely feel calm (fidget toys, weighted blanket, nature sounds...)? Learning these and using them is a crucial part of wellbeing.

Truth 3: Be the caretaker of your body

Yes, this is about finding movement you enjoy, fuelling your body with nutritious meals, resting when needed, getting outdoors. Seeing your body as your home and taking care of it daily. It is also about the intention we hold as we do these. Even a yoga session can become toxic if we are moving with self-criticism or berating ourselves. A walk in the woods can leave us more agitated if we are not connected to our surroundings but up in our heads, going over work To Dos.

Our relationship with our bodies is often the foundation for how we live - are we disconnected and always pushing on? Or can we move with ease, listening in and holding flexibility so that our lives are aligned to our changing needs?

Truth 4: Connect to nature

The power of being in the green is well known in research - a more powerful impact on mood than many anti-depressants. Do you take yourself to nature? Don't forget the sea, the woods, a lake, the local park - they are waiting for you. It's not box ticking, it's actively being present and mindful. Moving your attention to the wonder and detail of the environment to be soothed. Stepping out of the hustle.

We are also part of nature. Considering our struggles in the context of changing weather systems or seasons. Feeling part of all things vs. alone in our existence. We belong to something much larger than us but we so rarely connect to this.

Truth 5: Seek purpose

Many people end up in therapy when they achieve success but find themselves feeling empty. Understanding that a life of meaning is found by seeking purpose, isn't often in definitions of success. What are your values? What are the causes you care about? What stirs you? Do you pride yourself on particular beliefs, roles or morals? This can be about connecting to our power to change the lives of others or finding a bit of meaning in our everyday.

It doesn't have to be grand. It can be small acts which hold significance to you. It is about acknowledging our value and the impact we can have and seeking it out.

Truth 6: Lightness and play

Joy, pleasure, creativity, fun...there's some terrible stat about how often children laugh in a day and how little adults do! Are we too busy for fun? Too stressed for pleasure? I hear a lot of people wondering if there's more to life than work, scrolling, Netflix or the pub.

But we get to choose.

What did you love as a child?

What lights you up?

What sparks your curiosity?

It's ok if it is not the same as what others enjoy. Can you allow yourself to listen to your body and to seek experiences which simply feel good? It's not a nice to have. It's a vital element of wellbeing. It's being out of our heads and only living as units of production. It's committing to a life which includes our felt experience. This is a life worth living.

Truth 7: Safe, secure and self-soothed

Although this overlaps with other Truths I just felt it needed to be standalone. No wellbeing is possible if I feel unsafe. And we can feel unsafe in our closest relationships - sometimes it's as obvious as physical abuse but it could be a controlling dynamic or feeling judged.

Feeling overwhelmed or anxious can invoke fear.

Chronic stress or depression can make us feel insecure.

Knowing how to ask for support and soothing.

And knowing how to offer it to yourself are vital.

This isn't just what adults do for kids. It's what well adults offer themselves - mindfulness, gentle massage, self-talk, a teddy bear, soft music, low lights, loving arms (own or other). Being able to soothe when we are upset or distressed is the arc of a healthy emotional experience. Many of us don't receive this enough as children and have to learn it in later life. Therapy sessions are an experience of soothing - empathy, compassionate witnessing, caring acknowledgement. We all need it and knowing this and learning how is my last Truth.

My book offers loads of suggestions for each Truth. I encourage the reader to take a Pick n Mix approach - to choose a couple to try out. And to know it is a resource to return to. Yes, when times are hard. But what about a regular wellbeing MOT - a commitment you make to yourself to ask, "How am I? What can I choose today, this week, this month? What is the Truth I am most lacking and what is the most manageable first step I can make towards it."

I know we are all busy.

But when we are too busy to live our lives well...

...maybe we can think again.

Sending love and health to you,

Emily