What are you ready to let go of?

Sometimes, even a moment of peace can feel hard to create.

In this Claim You, I'll be sharing some thoughts I have been having on the process of letting go. Letting go of bodily tension, letting go of rules which keep us small, letting go of habits or ways of living which keep us hustling and never feeling enough. This Claim You invites you to listen inward, to open up space and invite what may be hidden but shaping your life to emerge so that you can start to move forward.

It is only when we have awareness that we can grow.

And it is space and quiet which helps us tune in and find awareness.

What is stopping you from feeling good?

We all have our issues, right? Maybe you can name yours. Perhaps you have them in your sights. Perhaps you're not sure of the rules, beliefs, ways of being, patterns (all those "shoulds") which keep you rushing and doubting yourself, anxious or disconnected or low. Don't worry - we have time to get to awareness. A whole lifetime in fact.

Wherever you are, I know it can be hard to feel ok in yourself.

Firstly, life seems to get in the way.

Does anyone else feel like we have created a world which is increasingly hard to be well in?

Just like plants we need the right conditions to flourish

So perhaps some of your choices or habits stand in your way?

Rest, nature, human connection, safety, purpose...these are some of what we need to thrive.

Maybe you could take some time to think about what you feel a human being needs to be well and check, "Do I feel my life has enough of these things?".

Part Three of my book sets out the Seven Truths For A Life Lived Well, so if you feel your life could do with a little review and MOT then you might find that helpful and there is a blog post summarising them here

What I often notice is that therapy can sometimes be the only time people have to stop and consider how they feel and what they need. I can't tell you the number of times in a week someone arrives into a session and says,

"I don't know how I feel. This is the first time I have stopped to think about it."

Therapy is a great space to tune in and enquire, what am I feeling? And what is in the way of me feeling more of what matters and what I need more of...

More joy.

More peace.

More pleasure.

More connection.

More rest.

More meaning.

More acceptance.

But we can also create other moments to listen in by using practices like breathwork or meditation. Sometimes people get it in hypnotherapy or in movement/exercise.

I hold a regular group called The Hearth for people who support others in their work. It's my offering for community, a time away from responsibilities and roles, and it ALWAYS involves a meditation and rest - space to unwind from tension and noise and duties and the outside world. An opportunity to unbind from doing or rules and to invite in ease - simply, to feel good. I thought I would share my latest meditation with you, in case you would also like to find space to rest and turn inward to you. To listen in and hear what you might be readying to let go of in your life.

The meditation is around 20 minutes long and you can access it here​

So time for peace and inward reflection can help see what is in the way for you.

But...

Sometimes your issues aren't your issues

Yes, we have a culture which makes it hard to be well.

And yes, we might need to look at our choices and see if we can be more intentional about creating the conditions to be well.

But we are also often having to work on the impact of other people's choices. This includes the harmful and hurtful actions of others - emotional abuse, neglect, controlling dynamics, shaming, gaslighting, physical violence or sexual abuse, bullying, criticism. I also see in therapy that what people end up seeing as their Velvet Prisons (their ways of living which are getting in the way of health and happiness) are because of the work that others have failed to do on themselves - inherited beliefs, restrictive rules, family roles which keep you small, ways we have learnt which teach us...

Your needs are a problem. Your emotions are wrong. No one wants to hear how you feel. Cover up. Keep that hidden.

This can even be the case in families where there is a lot of love. If difficult emotions, life events or situations remain unacknowledged, minimised or unspoken then we might grow up feeling unskilled or uncomfortable around difficulty. We might end up with a rule that these experience should be held in or kept to ourselves.

So, when I ask you what is in the way of you feeling good it could be that you look to your parents or carers.

Perhaps you can ask yourself, what did they fail to learn about how to live well? What might they have needed to let go of to live with more peace? What could they have shifted or invited in to find ease in themselves? What support did they lack? What might they have been avoiding? What were their issues?

Are your barriers for growth inherited?

I resposted this the other day and it got a few responses of "oof" and "yep, I get this..." So I thought I would share it with you too.

They said, "I don't want to be like my parents"

I answered:

Then you have to do what they couldn't.

Feel what they avoided.

Say what they silenced.

And heal what they passed down.

You don't break the cycle by becoming someone else.

You break it by becoming more you than you were ever allowed to be.

Pause. Breathe. Read it again.

You break it by becoming more you than you were ever allowed to be.

You can love your parents and still see where growth might have been lacking. We can see them as humans without blame.

We can also call out gaps, failings and shortcomings. Allocating responsibility matters.

For me this has been a process seeing my inherited rules and believes.

And then learning it is ok to take up space. To go slower and value rest vs pushing on and being punishing. To trust that my vulnerabilities and struggles are of value - they are part of my purpose and power, connecting me to others. That I can call in help when I struggle. That my body is my home and not a catalogue of issues or source of shame.

To be as fully me as I can be.

I am not "over" these things. I continue to work on them and they get louder when life i

s hard (the old Shitty Factory Reset of our brains). But seeing how they were inherited wounds gave me some distance and perspective to consider them.

I wonder what it might give you to see your own struggles as a wound passed onto you.

Perhaps it is with this awareness that we can unbind from the ways which hold us back. And allow in more space and growth.

What would you need to let go of to be as fully you as you can be?

I hope you can take some time for you.

I hope you can find ways to let go of what stand between you and feeling more ease in yourself.

Always with love,

Emily x