Where are you in your life?

Where in your day today have you held time for you?

Have a think.

Perhaps you feel you have. And if you have great - I celebrate you!

Or maybe you think you have, maybe you went for a run or to the gym. Perhaps you went out for dinner with friends or to an event you were invited to. Did this feel like what you needed? Or, if you are being honest, was it actually for you only "on paper" and in truth another To Do, another thing for someone else or for an external expectation? Did this thing align with how you felt inside?

Or perhaps it met one need - fitness - but overlooked another need that you have for a quiet, gentle space.

Hmmm.

So, let me ask you yet another question (one of my tutors told me that a therapist should never ask questions...ahem),

Do you ever consciously plan yourself into your day or into your week?

I know you are busy and that you most likely have caring responsibilities. And being an adult sucks up every other free second and minute - washing clothes, replying to emails, ordering things, remembering birthdays, cooking a meal, booking the dentist, trying to do something healthy - exercise perhaps, checking in on a friend, planning a trip, making a list. Maybe you are also managing a stressful life event or series of difficult and challenging experiences or emotions.

I know you will be busy and stretched.

But maybe we can agree that finding time for yourself, in your own life, might matter.

It might actually be necessary.

If you have been feeling a bit off somehow, like something's not right but you don't know what; if you have been low or anxious or restless and you can't put your finger on why; if you are moving from one stage of life to another (or one stage of growth to another) and you are in the limbo or in-between; if you have never even thought about needing to give time to yourself but find yourself stressed and burnt out....

...perhaps this is a sign that you need to sit down with yourself.

And listen.

And in a space, a moment of quiet (which, yes, you will have needed to carve out of your schedule) you might offer yourself these statements:

I choose to invest in myself.

I choose to make time for what feels good for me.

I choose to listen inwards and to hear what I need.

I choose to make space for me in my life.

Last week in a session I was talking with a client about the need for us all to make time to be "off duty from adulting." I love this phrase - it gives a sense that we can be living everyday in this doing-mode, productive, responsible, active. Busy. So busy.

But what about your inner world? What about you, the real you on the inside? How might we begin to put this on a list of priorities?

And given how we feel inside determines how we feel about our life, perhaps we might move ourselves up the To Do list?

Here are some thoughts for what this could look like:

• Making a time, in each day or during each week, which you hold for you to just be with yourself. You might do a mindfulness, free write (Google for more info) or just slow your breathing and allow any feelings to emerge which have had to stay quiet around your busy day.

• Notice any physical sensations, notice emotions, notice thoughts or stories you might be telling yourself. What picture do these paint for how you are feeling? In fact, if this internal experience was a picture, what would it show?

• If your mind is racing you might sit with the question, "And what else?"....until you have come to the end of all there is and then see what comes into awareness underneath the brain chatter you are so familiar with.

• You might talk things out to yourself - notice the language you use, the tone, can you hear how you feel? What is the energy? The mood?

• And if you can't come to anything or it feels out of reach you might stay with, "I choose to get to know myself a little more each day."

Mostly, all humans need to to be heard or understood.

And we can offer this to ourselves.

Here's an example,

"I see my mind is busy with work. I see I need to switch off and that this is hard. There's no escaping my thoughts."

Might lead to a recognition:

"I need some space. Sometime in my week I can find some peace and calm. I feel calm in my bed/in the woods/by the sea/in the bath. I can find a time for this."

Low mood might need a cry...or a kind act, something thoughtful, to see a friend.

Flat mood might need an injection of creativity or connection...browsing in a book shop, a podcast, a planned trip to a gallery.

You might begin to book in things which you enjoy and bring you pleasure, interest or satisfaction but which will otherwise never happen - time with a friend, a gig, a massage, a morning to yourself to walk and have a quiet breakfast, an evening a week where you meditate and then have a bath.

It might be as simple as knowing going for a run isn't what I need today. Today I need to sit in a patch of sun in the garden. Or read my book in the park for 20 minutes.

Maybe I actually need a rest.

And if you really feel there is no space for any of this...

Simply breathe deeply and slowly, ten times and acknowledge, "I am learning to make room for myself." This can be a powerful start.

What would you do, if you put time aside for you in your next week?

Do you know?