Sowing the Seeds - Part 2

Two-weeks ago I wrote a blog on what can get in the way of change - the kind of blocks we hold inside ourselves; beliefs, habits, negative inner chatter, critical loops and limiting behaviours. If you missed it then head on back to the blog menu, it is there for you.

Recently, I held a Sowing the Seeds workshop online - a group of people all wanting space out of the noise and hustle of everyday life, people wanting time out to reset and tune into what they need, space for calm, space for themselves. I love this kind of thing. I am pretty sure that no one there felt super-empowered (I know I felt nervous...). But I can't think of anything more empowering than carving out breathing space from life in order to really think about what you need and want and how to get there. Giving yourself permission to consider your wellbeing and to plan change. Valuing yourself enough to give time to feel good. That is empowered living and I feel happy and privileged to hold that space for people in all my work.

The farmer and the field

In the workshop I was offering guidance to reflect on the metaphor of the farmer and the field. That we are both in our own lives:

• The farmer plans for growth, protects the crop, works on the land, holds the vision for change, plants the right seeds, tends the soil.

• The field - the location of change & growth, the recipient of care, the place where blocks and barriers can undermine growth, the ground that can be fertile or feel barren.

I asked the workshop participants to imagine their lives in fullest bloom, bountiful growth ahead of harvest time - what would it feel like in their lives to imagine change that feels like summer and thriving life? And from there we explored blocks, support, steps towards change...

Here I am inviting you to think about the seeds you want to plant and what ongoing care and tending you will need if this growth is to flourish.

Bring a seed into your mind

What do you think of, when you consider a seed?

Here are a few things that come to me and that I think are relevant to the subject of healing, personal development and a life of meaning:

• They are small right? Magnitudes smaller than what they can grow into. An acorn holds within it the blueprint to transform into a mighty oak.

• We choose seeds according to what we want to grow - if you want a flower garden there's no point flinging vegetable seeds out there. And vice versa, if you need to grow food then don't go buying rose seeds.

• Seeds are often sown in handfuls - it can take many seeds to achieve growth, some might not take and it's a good idea to sow a number of them.

• Seeds also require the right conditions to grow - nutritious soil, rain, sunlight, protection from birds, space to grow.

A seed is quite marvellous really, it holds potential within it.

AND a seed needs care - care and effort, the right environment to germinate and grow to its fullest size and strength.

If you know you need change.

If you know you want difference inside yourself and in your life then perhaps these are helpful perspectives?

What do you want to grow this year? What do you want to be different when this year ends?

What is your equivalent of the beautiful field of wheat ready to be harvested?

Take a minute now to breathe. Allow yourself the grace of ten slow, deep and soft breaths. Give yourself space, just like the people who joined me online for the workshop. And when you feel a little calmer, a little more present, ask yourself these questions, don't overthink it.

Go with whatever comes up:

• What do I want to feel more of?

• What do I want to feel less of?

• Imagine yourself feeling good - good in yourself, good in your daily life...what has changed? What is here that wasn't present before?

• Let yourself feel into the difference...what words come up? What images or emotions emerge? What does the future look like?

Here you are in this moment, the farmer standing in your own field - the field of your life and of yourself.

You are beginning to see what seeds are needed because you can see the growth you desire.

Here are a few thoughts of common things people come to therapy wanting to feel more:

• Calmer and to have more peace inside

• Enjoy life more and be more present

• Safer inside with less anxiety and panic

• Confident and at ease

• Less self-critical and more self-accepting

• More energy and interests

• Let go of the past and feel it has less impact on the present

• Build healthy relationships and positive boundaries

• To understand themselves more

Of course there are many more things too and feel free to add your own!

So what are you going to plant?

And how are you going to tend your seedlings?

Let's go back to that earlier list and use it as a guide.

Seeds are small

What is the smallest step you can regularly commit to? If you had a "ladder of change" with your dream life at the top most rung, what would the first rung look like? What is the easiest thing you could do to plant change? Small is meaningful when it comes to change.

Choose the right seed

If you want to be calm then probably making a list of Calming To Dos, is the wrong vibe. The best guide for choosing the right step is to go to the feeling - how did you feel when you stood in your future field? Can you think of any actions, experiences, scenarios, people or places where you have had even a whiff of that feeling....? Start there. If I want to feel calm then signing myself up to a daily mindfulness target feels a bit off. How about creating a calm space in my room...and booking a time into my week when I can rest, read, meditate, draw, have a bath or journal?

If I want to feel more confident and less critical - how about noticing something I value or appreciate in myself each day? It might sound cheesy...you might want to dismiss it (but remember last time and those barriers/blockers...is this thought truly serving you well or is it keeping you stuck?)

What would you easily suggest to someone else but find hard to offer yourself? And what is the smallest part of that you can agree to begin with for you?

Seeds are often sown in handfuls

Maybe have a think about a few actions you could take. That way if one doesn't work or is more tricky you have others to fall back on. Maybe you will find that some steps don't deliver the feeling you are after - that's ok, try something else. It's not a failing in you if a particular seed fails to germinate, in fact, it's quite normal.

Seeds also require the right conditions to grow

How will you take care of yourself as you grow, heal and change?

• You will need to prune back other things - commitments, expectations and jobs to give space and focus to your growth...and keep pruning.

• What feels nutritious to growth? Rest? Decent meals? Regular movement? Rewards?

• Remember the need to protect those delicate seedlings- consider boundaries and also relationships. Who will feel like warm sun as you explore growth or who is more like a pecking bird or a torrential rain shower?

• Emerging blocks - consider the regrowth of brambles or weeds. Old habits, critical thoughts, overworking, shame and doubt will all creep in. Try to see them as the farmer who observes and who knows this is normal in nature - some roots grow deep. Have you ever yanked a bramble out of the earth? Very satisfying but pretty hard work...and i am not sure you ever get all the root out. Prepare yourself that you will need to reset on blocks and barriers. It's not failing to struggle - it's human.

• Patience - no seed grows immediately. Can you allow for some time in your expectations and see this as a process of unfolding rather than anything immediate?

I'll end with some reflections from the Sowing the Seeds workshop...

We talked about how glad we were to have space away from the noise of life.

People felt calmer for doing the meditation and surprised by how much that felt needed and unusual - "space just for me". They said that the workshop felt like a safe and compassionate space to explore change and growth.

Everyone was able to tune into how they see their lives now. Although people felt differently about their lives, the space gave a chance to look for shoots of growth and to hold hope for more.

People felt that the metaphor of sowing the seeds, helped them step outside how they normally see change (including times of bleakness or stuckness) and to see ways they could foster growth and conditions of self-support.

There was acknowledgement that guilt can get in the way of taking time, but that in a group & in a shared experience, this felt more valid and possible.

Do you need permission to take time for your own healing and growth?

When can you give this to yourself? What are you waiting for?