Sowing the seeds for the life you want: Part 1

In this blog (and in the one out in two weeks) I will be exploring how we go about creating meaningful change in our lives.

Sowing the seeds for a healthier & more empowered life.

Over two parts I am going to explore how we sow the seeds for the change we want and need - what this means and how to go about it.

Many of us know we want to make changes - in our lives, in our mental health, to improve our self-worth or wellbeing this year. But it can be hard to know where to begin or sometimes to believe it's possible when all we can see are barriers. Many of us also know that having more of the life we want is mainly blocked by one thing - ourselves.

In this post, I am writing about what gets in the way of change - the blocks and barriers that can exist in our lives and within our own heads. I'll be unpacking what these might be and sharing ideas on how to move past them. Next time, it will be about choosing the best actions, the most important choices for a life of health and self-worth. What these are and how to tend to them so they can flourish in the year ahead.

Are you ready to think about change? Let's start here together.

Picture a farmer standing surveying an empty field...

Hands on hips they look out scanning first left and then right. They know that they want a crop to flourish and thrive here. And as they look, they see some work ahead:

• The ground needs to be prepared: rocks and weeds removed and also things that will block the seeds from reaching the soil - other plants that would steal sunlight or nutrients from any seedlings growing.

• The seeds will need to be chosen and sown: the right variety to grow on this ground, the ones that will grow into the chosen crop, the best quality seeds with the highest probability of bringing a good yield and plants that will growth with health and vitality. And days of sowing will be needed to plant them well.

• The right conditions will be needed to help those seeds grow - sunlight, water, regular tending to keep removing weeds, maybe protection from birds or harsh weather. And these conditions not just given once, but to be present over and over again.

There is work to do and yet, the farmer can already imagine the lush field of wheat bending in a summer breeze, they know that this reality is possible. The process won't be perfect and neither will the growth be straightforward - storms, bugs, plenty of factors known and unknown will impact the way it grows. But they know that growth is possible if the right choices are made and some time and effort is put in.

What do you want to grow this year? What do you want to be different when this year ends?

What is your equivalent of the beautiful field of wheat?

Maybe you want to feel more confident, less self-critical, perhaps to experience more calm or less anxiety. Maybe you want to understand your reactions, to make sense of yourself. You could be looking to expand your business, shift your career, make a change in your life, learn something new. Or do you want to work on relationships - make more friends, improve communication or intimacy? Perhaps it is to address the impact of the past, to process and let go of trauma or family dynamics. Maybe it is to find relief from mental health issues.

Take a minute now to breathe. Allow yourself the grace of ten slow, deep and soft breaths. And when they are done, ask yourself these questions, don't overthink it. Go with whatever comes up:

• What do I want to feel more of this year? What do I want to feel less of?

• What would healthy growth feel like and look like for me?

• Where would it take me? What comes into my life if this growth happens?

• What stands in my way....in my life?...in my head?...in my feelings or beliefs about myself?

• Are there practical blocks? Or are they more limiting and negative thoughts?

Here you are in this moment, the farmer standing in your own field - the field of your life and of yourself.

Perhaps you are beginning to see the rocks or other sharp and harsh blocks that need to be removed. And what might need to be pruned back in order to give you some space to grow.

Here are some common blocks or barriers to change I hear about in therapy:

• I don't have time for myself, I'm too busy, life is too hectic.

• My problems aren't that bad, they are silly/stupid...I feel silly/stupid voicing them or looking at them.

• Someone else deserves this space/time/support more than me.

• It feels selfish to take time for myself.

• I've tried to change before and it didn't work.

• I feel embarrassed or uncomfortable talking about my stuff.

• No one wants to hear my problems, I feel like a burden.

• I don't feel confident enough to go after what I want.

• I'm frustrated with myself, I should just be able to cope better, everyone else seems to.

• I don't know where to start, it's all too hard, I'm already overwhelmed.

I'm sure you have other blocks but perhaps there is one here (or maybe more) that you can relate to.

I know that all these reasons hold some truth.

We are all busy. We are often overstretched and stressed. We can all look around and see others apparently coping just fine in one direction. Or we can look another way and see people who have so much more to deal with than we do. It's true that growth often requires some discomfort and perhaps some shifts. It pretty much always involves some vulnerability and uncertainty - these can feel challenging.

But I also believe that this is true...

If we keep doing what we've always done. We'll keep getting what we've always got.

If you want this year to hold change - more peace, more self-worth, more confidence, more calm, more joy, more connection, more purpose, more healing...whatever it is you know you want and need...

...then it will involve acknowledging these blocks exist and accepting their presence but not letting them stop you or being a full stop to the process. Could you imagine digging around them, making them loose enough in the soil of you so you can plant change around them. Moving forward with these blocks instead of waiting for them to be gone.

Perhaps some you can actually dig up...or reality check. Don't have time? Head in hands reality for us all, shall we check our phones for screen time use each day?? TV watching, doom scrolling. Do we really have no time?

And yes, we are busy and life can feel unrelenting. But another reality check here - it always will be. Modern life is unlikely to stop, pause or slow down. We need to make time for the things we need and want, the things that matter. Modern life isn't holding our wellbeing as a priority, we need to do that.

Perhaps we can allow the block to remain but look around it and see the other side of things, the truth or perspective that it doesn't reflect...maybe it does feel silly, small or stupid, maybe other people do have more to deal with, perhaps someone else would find it easier to cope with...but does this change the impact for me? Does this issue of mine cause me distress? Does it stand in my way? Is it repeated and comes up again and again?

If the answer is yes, then perhaps I can begin to move towards the change I want anyway. It might be hard with my internal voice whispering fears and doubts as I go. But here is another truth I know,

Living in a way that feels small, stuck, powerless, frustrating or limited is hard too. And there's no chance of change there.

This is what I call our Velvet Prison - the repeated thoughts or beliefs we have that hold us back. The bars that limit us living in our most authentic, free and empowered lives...but which also mean we avoid vulnerability and the uncertainty that all growth brings. They hold us back but they are familiar and soft.

This is your life.

As like the farmer, you survey your land, be honest with yourself. What needs to be pruned or cut back to give you some space and time? What can be reality checked, dug up and removed? What blocks remain but could be loosened up to allow some growth to begin?

Let's remember, the farmer doesn't plant the seeds and then leave them to grow with fingers crossed that it'll all be ok. They return over and over to encourage growth, to repair damage, to protect seedlings.

No one else can prepare the ground for you, it's true.

No one else can build you a better relationship with yourself.

But remember, you are not just the farmer. You are the field.

It is you that needs the conditions for growth and the right seeds to be planted.

There will be more on this in the next Claim You, but for now please remember we all benefit from support, guidance and empathy as we do this work. There is help- friends, family, communities of support, professionals. We can also turn up for ourselves by planning what self-support means.

• Who can help support you in this?

• How can you create more resource, support and time to help you in this pursuit?

• Where you can open up to receive more help?

We all need help (no matter what your inner-critic tells you).

You also don't need to do it all - is there one block you can begin with and one additional support you could add?

Maybe this email is the first step.

I know it might sound like hard work...

and it is (anyone who has done therapy knows it is work. And yet, many of my clients also tell me they look forward to sessions - it's meaningful and it matters).

But let's also remember why we are doing this.

The barren field is full of lush wheat in the summer, there is good stuff ahead! The work to prepare the ground is what allows the beauty to come. When I think of a beautiful life, I think of these things:

• Self-acceptance and true confidence, deeper self-worth.

• Feeling a sense of personal power and safety inside.

• A life that includes meaning and purpose.

• Knowing what matters to me and what I need to be well and happy.

• Friendships, connections, love, community.

• Peace and inner-strength, resilience.

• Feeling deserving of joy, pleasure, creativity.

• Open, curious, learning, free to find my own path.

The beauty of a life can grow, when we address the blocks and barriers. It doesn't have to be perfect. It just needs some care and effort.

Do you need someone to help you prepare the field?

I'm nearly done with this metaphor, I promise.

If this kind of growth is calling you, then please take a look at my online programme, Claiming You 2026. Limited spaces are available now and it will run this Spring, over approximately eight months with a group of at most eight people. I have designed it from the knowledge gathered in 13 years as a therapist and it will give you the resources, structure and human holding needed to move toward greater self-worth, emotional & mental health and meaningful living. Cost: £777 with an early bird discount of £200 - two of these early bird spaces are left.

Sending love to you, if you are reflecting on change.

Emily x