Your Future Self is Calling...

...and they are waiting on the other side of your fears.

I have been hearing (and thinking) about fears - conversations with other professionals, in client sessions, fears coming up for me. So today, I want to hold some space for us to think about how our fears might be in the way of a life we want, or a version of us that we want to find. Someone in my group, The Hearth, asked me to share on letting go of fears when we meet next- I think we all know that idea - that we need to release fears in order to move forward. My reflections on how to go about this here...

A while ago, I submitted a short written piece on fear to go into a collaboration book on the experience of fear and coming through. It's called "The Other Side of Fear" and comes out towards the end of this month. As you might expect, I didn't write something safe and sanitised!

I wanted to get into the physical experience of fear because this is such a big part of fear and of any therapy which is unpicking it - knowing that body sensations are part of the story. I wrote about feeling scared when I was younger and the impact of that on me as an adult, how it fed into relationship dynamics and patterns and how, now (...on the other side of the fear), I can see the answer is to live in a way contrary to the "lessons" or messages in fear.

Fear (and our fears) say:

Don't stand out.

Stay small.

Be quiet.

Don't take up room.

Be agreeable.

Think of others.

And plenty more besides...

What do your fears tell you?

In a way, they are strangely protective, right? Avoiding all possible risks by staying safe and under the radar. I talk about this in my book, the idea that we all have a Velvet Prison - our own unique pattern which comes up routinely and feels both restrictive and somehow familiar.

Writing that piece invoked a lot of fear. I think it matters to share it but it feels super vulnerable that it is out in the world. It's very real, even if it is content which is processed for me.

And I have been hearing from my fears around my book too. I know some of that is sending it out to literary agents and waiting, it can feel like a powerless place to be. Passive and insecure. But I have also known for a while that some of the things I have written about, and feel truly matter for us to be well, are a little controversial.

You could say, that my book calls us all out (me included) on some of our shit - our choices, our consumption, our powerlessness, our "I don't have the time..."

And I am not talking about that much in the world - my Instagram doesn't include a lot which feels disruptive. My fears are in the way of me stepping into that part of me.

So, in true Emily-style, I posted about this on Instagram - that I want to be brave, like my book, but feel mostly fearful and unworthy and worried. And, what do you know, people got it. People commented or sent me messages privately. Some of them were supportive of me and encouraging me to believe in myself. Most of them were echoing the experience, "Me too. I feel I want to say more/do more/be more but I feel fearful of it."

I am going to write a meditation about this for my next gathering of The Hearth - inviting members to feel, really feel in an embodied way what they long to feel in themselves in their lives. But let's do it here and now for you.

Can you give yourself ten minutes? Can you find a space to listen to your future self calling?

When you have found the time, let your body settle. Roll your shoulders. Perhaps gently rub your forehead, jaw and neck. GENTLY! It's not a deep tissue treatment, people. No roughness, please.

Breathe deeply into your belly and sigh it out.

Do this for 8 rounds of breath. Close your eyes.

Whisper in your mind, "I am taking this time for me."

Listen to any sounds around you. Notice the contact points of your feet on the floor, your hands where they lie. Feel your pelvis and legs heavy, grounding you.

Encourage a gentle release of your jaw, your shoulders...let go where you can. And when you feel a little more present open your eyes and get curious about these questions:

What would you do if you felt more free?

If you felt true confidence to be yourself, what would change?

If you knew that everything would work out, what would you do?

If fears were not in your way, how would you hold yourself (posture), how would you move, what would you say, what would you choose?

What would you experience more of?

What would you experience less of?

What would you do in a day, if you were being as fully you as you could be? What does a day like this feel like, what is in it?

What words, thoughts or beliefs stand in the way of you moving to this in your life now?

What else gets in the way?

Let any other insights land. Take five deep breaths, look around and orient yourself to the present moment.

Welcome back! If this has landed for you, then why not allow a bit of time to journal. It can be emotional to realise how much we get in our own way. How we can speak to ourselves in a way we never would to someone else.

If you feel stirred up and emotional, allow a space to be. Have a cuppa. Go slowly.

The thing I noticed, when I tuned into this stuff, is that the voice of fear is disguised in what sounds like logic and rationality. The tone is so certain, it feels factual.

But the result of listening to this voice isn't more logical choices it's avoiding all risk, living in a way which is closed off, restricted, rigid or limited.

When we allow ourselves to explore free, confident, truest self it might hold uncertainty (how do we do this? might come up). But when we lead with the feeling in our bodies and let that show the way, we might find a next step. Yes, it feels vulnerable, because it is new but it also feels open, lighter, flexible, expansive, creative, playful, peaceful, passionate.

I listened to a fab podcast this week, Jennifer Booker talking about her ideas for a new American constitution in her book, "Idiot-Proofing Democracy" on the Unbound Writer's Club podcast. She described the fear in standing up and talking about this subject, the atmosphere in the USA right now, and then coming to the simple question,

Is it worth it?

And even though, we have heard these words and know this sentiment it just hit me.

Is it worth me talking about my book more?

Hell yes. Because I know that the content can help a lot of people.

Is it worth me doing it while feeling scared and insecure?

Hell yes - see above answer!

Because it is who I am. And I feel it as my purpose and power - even when it includes fear.

Showing up and claiming all my multi-faceted humanity is my schtick. It's WHAT I AM ABOUT. True self-worth. Acceptance.

So, I ask you.

Is it worth it?

Is it worth it for you to move forward with your fears? How can you support yourself to do this or what support can you call in so you can move towards the feeling you want for yourself, in yourself and in your life?

What can you let go of or change or shift to allow this? What beliefs or rules might need to be released?

Am I fearful that no literary agent will want to publish my book?

Yes.

Am I fearful of the hurt and doubt that might create for me?

Yes.

Do I want to have my book out there in people's hands?

Yes.

Is it worth it?

Yes.

Sometimes, we can gently challenge our fears. Sometimes we can let them go.

But I have often found that these things come when we can listen to our fears and see them for what they often are - outdated protective rules, trying to keep us safe by keeping us small.

So, if you feel your future self is calling you...

...have a think about taking your fear with you as you walk.

And keep in mind that feeling you want for your future self.

Because, in reality, that feeling is more available than our fears will ever tell us.

If this resonated with you, I would LOVE LOVE to hear from you. Please drop me an email or let me know any thoughts for future emails.

Get in touch! emily@emilymccoyshares.co.uk

With love,

Emily